Thursday, 20 April 2017

Dealing with Being Alone...

Feel weird ... well maybe weirder ... lol.

Sometimes loneliness ready hits hard and I struggle. At the moment that's what's happening. All the drama and worries of the past five months have all but settled. Still one thing left to sort out and once that's solved the kids (and me) can get back to 'normal'. Maybe that's why being alone has set in hard.

Haven't done much painting or writing during this time but I did manage to finish one book that I started last year and sent it off to the publisher. Once again they have faith in me and have accepted it. At this point in time it looks like it will be out electronically mid-May and then print form early next year.

It's so exciting to know that I really am an author - those books on the shelves of my bookcase, the quarterly royalties, the pages on book shops that sell my books... even the car in my carport. They all confirm that I'm an author - and with this new book I will have 18 books published in my name and one more as an author in an anthology with 6 other authors.

What reinforces it even more is that my 18 books weren't self-published - they were all taken up by a well-known successful publishing house.

On top of that I realise I do have to get out more. I've locked myself away from the world for the past 6 years and I need to get out. I have to push passed the disappointments and pains from my past and get back into life. My self-esteem and self-worth were given a big knock and I know I'm not fully 'normal'. Instead I like to think of myself as a talented if slightly demented person...lol.

With that in mind once the school holidays finish I want to get out a paint 'en plien air' at least once a month.

As well I've joined a '50k in May' group of Australian romance authors. The idea is to encourage each other and keep to the goal of writing 50k words during May. I have a MS that I started but stalled on so decided I will finish that during May. We have to post daily - or at least every few days - our writing totals and what our goal is.

My goal is at least a 80k MS. I have 15k done already. If I can get to the 50k mark by the end of May I will be very happy.

I also started a local writing group - yep that was bloody brave (or insane) of me. We meet the first Saturday of the month. This coming meet will be our third. Still it doesn't seem to solve my feelings of loneliness... not sure how you get passed them but I intend to. Being alone as an introvert leads to over-thinking and somehow that loneliness becomes addictive.

Because I'm an introvert I can go months without talking to another human being without any problem.

But then suddenly start feeling morose and alone. I am sure at the moment it is a culmination of the year's worries and problems. My plans with writing and painting will surely help to dispel those feelings and I'll be back to my usual insane self soon.

Sorry this seems a rather morbid post - guess that's to be expected. I'm confident the next one will be more uplifting as much as the last post was!

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